I DID IT!! 365 Days Alcohol-Free!
Updated: Feb 25, 2021
February 9, 2020 was my last Day 1. I am so happy to have broken free of the Ground Hog Day nightmare of drinking, hating myself for drinking, swearing off drinking, only to succumb to the impulse later the same evening.
I have learned so much over the last 365 days, and I am insanely grateful to my tribe and my Marco Polo group: Felecia, Katie, Kristin, Dana, Sarah, Beth, Terri K, Laura, Loretta, Terri M, Karlyn, Sue, Chelo, Erin, Cheryl.
Making New Memories
Nothing feels worse than waking up full of anxiety with no memories of the night before. Walking on eggshells and testing the energy around me. Trying to gauge if my husband is mad at me. I will not forget that feeling, because that is what keeps me alcohol free.
The best part of this year was all the unexpected surprises. I never expected that quitting drinking would make me feel empowered – like a total badass. I never expected sobriety to be a superpower. And, I certainly never expected to make genuine, soul-sister friends that make me feel like I belong, like I am seen and like I matter.
The Lessons I've Learned
I am not broken; alcohol is addictive.
Alcohol is a sledgehammer to my body and my brain.
Moderation is scam. I will not be able to moderately use an addictive substance.
The temptation to moderate will open the door to old thought patterns ... just on the weekends, just at home, just at restaurants, just one glass, just two glasses... until the door blows open and I am back at the beginning wishing that I never turned off this path. I feel like I have discovered the Emerald City – there is no going back to black and white!
I have found Freedom & Joy
I didn't think joy was possible for me.
I am a reformed cynic. I didn't think joy was possible for me. I didn’t think I could be happy without wine. But by the grace of God, through AF I have found pure joy. I have rekindled old passions, I am more productive, and I finally feel like I am worth the effort. I thought I would be making sacrifices when I quit drinking -- I never expected to find freedom in the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
I am Free
I am Free of lies alcohol tells me
Free of the guilt and shame
Free of the preoccupation
Free of the detox to retox loop
Free of the damage to my body and mind
Free of added stress on my relationships
Free of questioning my self-worth
Free to make better choices
Free to be in charge of my future
Free to love fully
Free to be present in each moment with my kids
Free to trust my emotions
Free to be my best self
Making a Recommitment
So, on February 9, 2021, I am renewing my vows and my commitment to be AF. I am going to protect my goals something fierce. I have fought like hell to rewire my brain and push past my comfort zone. I don't want to be chained to old habits that keep me stuck in old thinking and keep me stuck on the couch with no desire to participate in life.
Like Glinda, the Good Witch, said, "You've had the power all along, my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself."